I can tuck mytits in my pants
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
