In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
