I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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