and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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