Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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