so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
