Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
