One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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