p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
