Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
