If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
