How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
