she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
