imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
sex in a hospital.. check
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
