His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
