At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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