I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
