I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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