Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize