He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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