Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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