Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
