I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
