is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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