i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
