Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
