4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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