So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
