Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
