okay pat passed out under dana's car
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
