Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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