Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
