Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
