You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
