16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
