Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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