On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
