The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
