I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
