I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Houston, we have a squirter
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
