I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
