Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
