woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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