is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
