he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
