last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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