OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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