he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
