i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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