You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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