You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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