I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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