pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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