his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
