Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
