I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
