After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
