I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
