if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
