What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize