i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
