So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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