i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
