he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
