I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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