I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
