my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
