thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
