You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
