i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
