He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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