I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
