God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
