I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
