I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
