hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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